Last chance

I have been excommunicated, exiled by Mistress Cara for gross misbehaviour and my life now is empty, worthless, hollow.


Mistress is ignoring me completely, knowing that is the worst possible punishment for her useless ungrateful sissy.

I am in limbo, on pause. I sent Mistress a brief text each day, which is ignored. I avidly read all of her tweets and of course her excellent blog, trying to glean snippets of information. I am like a leper, an outcast, looking in through a window ay my beautiful Mistress, longing to serve her again, desperate to make amends for my recent behaviour and attitude.

Although ignored, I am, thankfully, still Owned by Mistress Cara and I am very much still under her complete control, all day, every day.

In the months that she has Owned me, she has stripped away almost all of the control that I once had over my life.

I wear lacy knickers every day; I used to wear a bra, until Mistress had my nipples pierced. Once they are fully healed I am sure I will have to wear a bra again. I have to sit every time I pee, not stand. At weekends I paint my nails bright red or pink.

I have to edge my pathetic clit 3 times every day, but am denied any form of orgasm. It has been 8 weeks since my last ruined orgasm and my attempts at milking my prostate have been less than successful. I find that the midday edging at work is so humiliating and shamefull, having to wank my little clit in the toilet. The morning and evening edgings are a mix of pleasure and frustration, leaving my clit sticky with slime and desperate to spurt my built up slime. At times I feel like screaming in frustration, tearing my hair out.

I continue to practice with my assortment of butt plugs, conditioning my tight hole so that, when she chooses, Mistress Cara can fuck me with ever larger strapons as she continues to feminise and sissify me. I can regularly take most of them, though the large pink butt plug is still very tight and painful. It is humiliating to fuck myself with them, but I do so, longing for the time when my Mistress will once again fuck me, the most amazing experience that I have ever had.

Mistress Cara has control of me in other, more mundane ways too. I am no longer allowed to eat white bread, wholemeal or granary is her choice. If I wish to have some wine at home, I have to seek her approval first. When I accompanied Mistress for a meal in a pub or restaurant she has taken to ordering my food for me, without giving me a choice. She does not care to micro-manage her slut, instead she expects me to obey her wishes every day. So I am free to choose which pair of frilly knickers I wear each day, which colour nail polish to use. The more Mistress takes control of me, the more I love it. the feeling of total submission is wonderful, what I have craved for years. Even the occasional thrashings are welcome, though the pain is intense. It is all worthwhile to see the smile on her face, to know how pleased my Mistress is when inflicting pain and humiliation on her sissy slave.

Despite still being under her control, I am in a living hell, denied the oxygen of contact with my Goddess. I would do anything to turn the clock back, to expunge my errors, to correct my attitude. I had become complacent, taking my frequent visits for granted. I had become to friendly, forgetting my real purpose, my only purpose in life is to serve my Owner in any way she pleases.

Although she has not yet dismissed me outright, I am by no means in the clear, I am still terrified that, after weeks of excommunication, she will summarily disown me.

I am left not knowing what to do. If I send texts and tweets I may anger her more, she clearly wants nothing to do with me at present. If I don’t send them, she may conclude that I am sulking or, worse, that I am not bothered by my enforced exile. I am at my wits end, desperate to grovel and beg forgiveness, desperate to serve the most amazing, wonderful, powerful dominant Mistress imaginable.

Shortly after writing this, I received a text from Mistress Cara.

It seems that she may be prepared to allow me one last chance to serve her, to be Owned by her, but under much stricter conditions than before.

She has not said for definte yet, but I am hopeful of a reprieve.

I cannot begin to describe how relieved I am, how grateful. How desperate I will be to prove myself to my wonderful, kind, caring Mistress. It is true to say that she is my life, my world revolves around her. I am completely besotted by her and devoted to her. I must never ever fail her again.